there's a lot i want to write about. it's not things i DESIRE to write about, but should write about regardless

my mom is going into hospice soon. she's been in the hospital since the 9th and, before that, over thanksgiving.

at the beginning of august, we were lazing around in the inflatable pool in her backyard, we were at geneva on the lake riding a ferris wheel and eating good food, we were stopping at weird little amish country general stores. she should've had more time without him, more time in her own home, with her family, living the life she didn't get for decades because of his garbage ass

i'm kind of numb about it right now, trying to sort out legal things, sitting at work typing this like it's not going to make me upset anyhow.

i've been sick the last week, i feel bad because i haven't been able to visit her in the hospital much, but i only would've gotten her sick and i wasn't fit for traveling anyhow

i'm exhausted, physically and mentally rn. once the former sorts itself i'll be able to manage, but it's a lot at the moment. i just feel in a daze more than anything, but i know that's partially the cold situation. i'm so congested and zonked out, i wanna be asleep for another day x_x

i'm going up tomorrow to see if we can sort out some legal stuff. i know sunday isn't ideal for it, but i think if she can get some papers written (living will, for one) up while she's still communicative/cognizant and we can get that stuff sorted, it'll be less that'll need to go to probate court when it finally happens